I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
