Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
