Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
