it wasn't lemon gatorade
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
