my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize