They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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