Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
