i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
