It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
