no, he came in my armpit
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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