this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
