I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
