Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
