I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The best revenge is premature balding
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
