Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
