does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
