Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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