I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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