what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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