Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
