I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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