...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
