By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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