omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
