New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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