dude i'm inner monologue high
operation harelip BJ is a go
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize