I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
