I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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