don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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