I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
