Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
