Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
