Im at strip club and am horny
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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