Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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