How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
