I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
