I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
