I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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