Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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