he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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