she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
