I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
