I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
