If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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