finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize