Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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