she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
