I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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