His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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