If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize