when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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