never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
