I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
