it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
