My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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