I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
