Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize