I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
