I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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