dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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