There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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