i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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